Managing Stress When Giving Care

You can manage caregiver stress and improve your physical and mental health. This fact sheet explains the importance of managing caregiver stress constructively, describes coping skills that have helped others deal with related issues, and provides a list of resources for more information and assistance.

What you should know You feel guilty and frustrated because you think you're not doing enough. You can't remember the last time you slept through the night without a call from your father, or you can't bear to see what's happening to your mother. Caring for your parents has put your social, intellectual, and work life on hold. You're angry because your efforts don't seem to be appreciated. Your siblings criticize and interfere or don't get involved enough. Your family doesn't pick up the slack around the house.

What You Can Do When you are caring for others, taking care of yourself and your needs is like performing regular maintenance on your car. It is critical to staying in shape over time. There are some things you can do to nurture yourself, cope with stress, and improve your well-being.

Take care of your health. Eat nutritious meals. Treat yourself, but don't give in to stress-driven urges for sweets or overindulge in alcohol.

Get enough sleep. If you are awakened at night, try napping during the day to make up for your sleep.

Get regular medical check-ups. Inform your physician that you are a caregiver and how it is effecting your life.

Exercise regularly. You may have to find someone else to provide care while you walk or go to an exercise class.

If you have any symptoms of depression (extreme sadness, trouble concentrating, apathy, hopelessness, thoughts about death), see a doctor right away. Depression is an illness that must be treated.

Maintain or establish social contacts. This may require advance planning, but it's worth it. Isolation increases stress, while having fun, laughing, and focusing on something beside your problems can help you keep your emotional balance. This helps you and ultimately makes you a better caregiver, too.

Call on your friends, your parent's friends, and relatives for help. Make a list of tasks you need help with and ask friends and relatives if they would contribute regularly, or even occasionally. Don't forget those who live at a distance from your parent, who can still provide some kinds of support. Include your spouse, children, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandchildren, other relatives, including step-relatives and in-laws. Don't forget friends of your parents. Friends, neighbors, and people from faith-based groups or clubs might pitch in to help.

Helpers can perform household tasks: food shopping, cooking some meals, cleaning, lawn work, minor repairs. Maybe they can drive your parents to medical appointments or pick up prescriptions. Helpers might be able to make calls or use the Internet to find information on needed services. Others could give you a break by staying with your parent so you can get away for a while.

Get support for yourself. Some research suggests that keeping your feelings bottled up can harm your immune system and lead to physical illness. Talk with family and friends about the rewards and challenges of caregiving. Share your experiences with coworkers in similar situations.

Try to find time for yourself to unwind when stresses pile up. Do something you enjoy such as reading, walking, listening to music. Some people find it helps to meditate or use relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or visualizing being somewhere that makes you feel happy or calm. Be nice to yourself!

Organize as much as you can.
Set priorities and realistic goals

Make a list of what needs to be done and get the most important things done first.

Arrange your day to take full advantage of outside help.

Pace yourself. Don't overwork yourself some days to the point of exhaustion.

Set limits. Learn to say "no" even to your parent.

Deal constructively with negative feelings.

When feeling resentful, try to think about how to change things.

Recognize the anger-guilt-anger cycle and stop it immediately by forgiving yourself for being angry.

Distance yourself from the situation, figure out what caused your anger, and decide how you can respond next time. Focus on the good points of the situation.

Hold a family meeting to resolve conflicts with siblings and other relatives.

Feel good about your accomplishments as a caregiver.